I'm going to be 18 in a little over two weeks. My birthday has never been a happy time for me, unless you go WAAAAY back to when I was about 11. I want it to be a good day so much, but can I really make it that way? I wonder sometimes if I subconsciously sabotage myself merely because I don't want to succeed and feel good about myself. Do I crave, deep down, the drama of being out of control?
I don't know where all of this is going. Maybe I've simply got too much on my plate, no pun intended, and I am having a hard time dealing with so much. I'm strong enough for one stressful thing, maybe two, but this barrage of stresses is obviously getting to me. What to do about it?
1 comment:
"Do I crave, deep down, the drama of being out of control?" I relate so much to this sentence. A lot of times when I mess up I suspect self-sabotage, especially when I first got to school and started spiraling down into my ED. I half thought I was trying to be sent home.
I'm sorry you're so stressed. December's a really crap month, isn't it? If you can just last it out another two weeks, you'll be able to get a chance (I hope!) to relax and destress.
I hope you're feeling better by the time you read this! Love xxxxx
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